Writer's Block Laxative

((Thanks Danny for giving me this idea! With a few embellishments of my own, I took your advice and…it worked!))

Recipe for breaking through writer's block:

3 cans of Starbuck's Doubleshot Expresso and Cream
2 bars of Starbucks dark chocolate + coffee
5 fish sticks
1 large carton of curly fries
1 box of apple juice
½ gallon water
Box o' Almond Roca
1 pair of noise cancelling headphones
iPod downloaded with garage grunge, metallica, and anything upbeat. Make sure you've got LOTS of music. You may be skipping songs to stay in a particular mood

Allow yourself at least two hours for things to take effect. Start with 1 coffee and 1 bar of chocolate. Eat the fish sticks to stabilize your stomach before taking the second coffee. Next, add the carton of curly fries and apple juice. Finish with the last can of coffee and bar of chocolate.

Place headphones over ears and turn iPod to eardrum rupturing level (this is one decibel below acquiring a subgaleal hematoma). Begin writing while liberally eating the almond roca and drinking the water. If you write with a 2B mechanical pencil, like I do, have extra lead. You end up breaking the tip quite often!

**I do not suggest doing this every night, by any means. However, it DID kick start my brain in strange, bizarre ways. I am now feverishly writing things down that should never be seen by human eyes.

For my dear friends out there who have read my previous blogs:
YES, I know my boss will hate me Friday morning. And YES, this is far more caffeine and sugar than the normal cup of coffee I normally drink. YES, I thought my experimental days with unusual substances like fish sticks and caffeine were over too. BUT, desperate times require desperate measures, and I am willing to sacrifice the next three nights of sleep so that I may continue to rave like a madwoman about a scantily clad killer ninja with severe cat allergies that hates all things Martha Stewart.

With that said, I'm going to go decapitate a few adorable kittens now…. ROCK ON!