Rumor Bustin'

Two nasty biological rumors that I want to clarify and set aside for the general benefit of mankind:

1. Being cold will make you catch a cold.

My mother still believes this. However, you can't catch a cold unless you have a virus first! No virus = no cold. Why is it that we get more colds in the winter? For one, school is in session, and unfortunately, classrooms are a virtual cesspool for spreading diseases. Also, people tend to stay indoors where the likely hood of contact with an infectious person increases.

Bottom line: You have a higher chance of catching a cold by licking a doorknob than being outside in zero degree weather with just your skivvies on.

2. Cloning is bad because Hitler will be reborn and take over the world.

Psht! First of all, clones are genetically identical. That's it. Identical twins are clones. The cells in your body are clones. Did you know that your eye cell, your bone cell, and your nerve cells are clones? They have (hopefully) the same genetic makeup, do they not? But do they look alike? Nope!

Just because an individual has the same genetic makeup as another individual doesn't mean they will be or act the same. Hitler's clone could grow to be the world's greatest figure skater for all we know!

Also, this rumor that we mad, evil scientists are making clones of each other in the lab so that we can rip out their organs for medical research? ...not happening. Here's why:

a. Remember Dolly the cloned sheep? It took 227 surrogate ewes (female sheep) in order to produce one successful Dolly. Last I checked, we don't have that many human women willing to do something like that.

b. By the time the clone reaches an age where its organs would be "ripe" for harvesting, you will either be dead already, or too old to care.

c. Your clone, being a complete, sentient individual with human rights like you, will probably protest.

d. It's illegal.

Incidentally, we eat cloned cattle all the time. Plants...MOST plants that we eat are now produced from clones (been doing it since forever). In fact, most bananas are genetically identical!

Can you clone your cat? Well, yes. In 2001, CC (stands for Copy Cat) was the first cloned cat produced by Genetic Savings and Clone. Unfortunately, the company went belly up in 2006. Is it possible that we'll have another pet cloning service in the future?
ABSOLUTELY!

Maybe after the recession picks up though... >.>

Spitting off the Peak of Mount Wannahockaloogie

Warning: The following blog contains grossly explicit details of an organic nature. Read at your own risk!

The cold and flu season is now upon us, and I, like millions of other Homo sapiens on the planet have fallen victim to its deadly lysogenic cycle. (Egads! Lysogenic isn't even accepted on the spell checker!)

As I wetly squelch, cough and blow my way through a box of lotioned kleenex, I contemplate the etiquette and art of hocking a loogie. It was a much needed skill that my father taught me along side the proud art of making farting noises with my armpit. Even my dear beloved samurai can't spit one like I can.

Etiquette. Of hocking a loogie. At some point in our miserable disease-ridden state, any and ALL of us feel the desire to hack one up, don't we? Yet in our society of being prim and proper, it's better to drown in our own pathogenic juices and gag on our giant green balls of mucus than to just cough, hock and spit. We can't even do it in public bathrooms because of the echo!

What's more... when men spit one in public, it's socially frowned upon, but no one dwells on it. Yeah, it's a disgusting habit, but what else can you expect, right? Yet when a woman hocks the big one, she might as well release a loud atomic methane fart to go along with it since it wouldn't be any less shocking or...unnatural. *gasp* People don't EXPECT grossly biological noises from the supposedly more gentile sex, right? But... don't we have respiratory and digestive systems, too???

Needless to say, even my samurai feels a bit intimidated when I go into the bathroom in the morning and "do my thing," to the chagrin of the entire household since I can be so loud. But hey...when you've gotta hock a loogie, you've gotta hock a loogie! Might as well get it done and over with before...heaven forbid.... others find out about your phlegm!

Here's some interesting factioids on phlegm. I wikied this because I was morbidly curious as to why doctors are so interested in the color of your sputum. The next time you stare at that goopy, protein and pathogen laden lump of saliva-coated gel congealed at the bottom of your sink, think:

Clear or white = healthy unless you are in the early initial stages of sickness. In which case, your phlegm baby is not only clear, but infectious as well!

Yellow = tends to indicate a bacterial infection. Although this isn't always be the case.

Green = sign of infection

Green with red spots or rust red phlegm = signs of infection and possibly pneumonia! It's "rusty" means that you might be bleeding deep in there.

Bloody = first off, go to your doctor! You could have cancer, tuberculosis or something as "minor" as bronchitis. We aren't certified sputologists here, so it's important to get other tests done to make sure!

Brown and brownish grey = STOP SMOKING! That's only a sample of the crap that your body's trying to clear up from those cancer sticks your sucking on. Can we say, ewwwww?


The caption from wikipedia says: Phlegm with a Canadian quarter for scale.
No, this is NOT a picture my own personal phlegm. Mine's green right now if you really wanted to know...