Wednesday, October 7, 2009

A Bit of Zen

I’ve had two moments in my teaching career which have completely changed my life and saved my sanity. I will talk about the second moment, and save my first for another bloggy.

It happened during my sixth year teaching. As a know-it-all hot shot bio teacher, I was invited to a Strategic Literacy Workshop sponsored by West Ed in Oakland, California. The experience was so profoundly eye opening that it completely changed how I taught and viewed my students and people in general.

While composting numerous piles of paperwork today, I came across a list from our company presenter, Liz McKay which summed it all. It was written by Ferdinand F. Fournies, from his book, “Why Employees Don’t Do What They’re Supposed to Do and What to Do About It.”

WHY DON’T PEOPLE DO WHAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO?

  1. They didn’t know why they should do it
  2. They didn’t know when to begin and end it
  3. They didn’t know what they were supposed to do
  4. They didn’t know how to do it
  5. They thought they were doing it
  6. They thought your way wouldn’t work or that their way was best
  7. They thought something else was more important
  8. They aren’t rewarded for doing it, or aren’t punished for not doing it
  9. They didn’t think they could do it

My student teaching year was the hardest year of my life. Most of my frustrations stemmed from the fact that I had high expectations for my students, but I did all of the work and they never did what they were supposed to. Nine years later, I mentor many teachers with the same issues: How can I get them to do what I ask?

…and my answer is, “You teach them.”

If they are not doing what you ask, than assume that they don’t know how. I had an instructor come to me frustrated that her students did not do their reading homework. I asked her if she taught them how to read the book. HOW MANY teachers have taught students how to read a textbook? Did she ever teach them how to read HER textbook? Ah HAAAA! Problem solved. (Then I wonder: Were WE ever taught how to teach a student to read a textbook???)

If a teacher understands that their students don’t know XY or Z, than teach them how. Don’t assume they already know, otherwise, they would’ve done what you asked them to do! -Unless they’re distracted. (More on this later)

One of my favorite quotes was from my mentor Gina Hale at West Ed: “Teach them the process and the content will come though.” Focusing on the process lets a student know that they CAN do it, and that we’re there to help each step of the way

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Interview at Starbucks

This was written in response to a writing challenge on the Digital Webbing Forums. I hope you enjoy! ^.^


Interview at Starbucks
copyright 2009 by Yen Verhoeven

"One triple shot tall raspberry mocha please." I say to the Starbucks barista. Behind me, my future "employer" is gawking at my legs. When one pairs thigh highs and heels correctly, the results can be absolutely devastating.

Case in point: As I sit down in front of him, I have to tap his chin. "You might want to close your mouth Felixxxs." I use a sensual purr to pronounce his name, making it sound like a very dirty word in the bedroom. Sliding the sunglasses off my face, I hook them into my figure-hugging dress shirt that expresses every curve on my toned upper body; the cleavage just barely peaking over.

"I uh…I'm uh…glad you could uh…make it." he stutters, captured by my brilliant violet eyes. That's right Felix…stare all you want. You're already mine and what's worse is that you know it.

I watch in amusement as a red blush forms on his cheeks while he struggles to control his thoughts, composing them together between the oh shit, she knows who I am and damn, she's f-ing gorgeous. Poor guy. He has no idea what he's getting into and with whom. There's an awkward pause as he waits, wondering if I will tell him my name.

I let it pass, adding to his exquisite torture by crossing my legs under the table. The undeniable rasp of sheer thigh high followed by the discrete brush of my foot against his calf makes him jump. "It was my pleasure." I say, taking a sip of my mocha and leaving that soft, almost perfect imprint of my lips on the lid before setting the cup down.

"Why so nervous, Felix? After all, you were the one that asked me to come." Egads, how do people DRINK this stuff? Even with the extra shots, it tastes like warm bitter water compared to what I'm used to. –And that flavoring? Definitely NOT raspberries.

I smile predatorily as I watch Felix struggle to break his gaze with me. He's very cute. So innocent. So vulnerable. I should be feeling guilty, but I'm having too much fun.

"Er…right, right." he says, clearing his throat. From his worn out briefcase, I watch him produce a packet of papers folded in half. "Uhm, so I prepared a few questions for our interview. You know, to make sure that you're the right fit for the job."

Unbelievable. Well, maybe believable. After all, Felix was a former IT person that got shuffled and reassigned to the HR department. From key puncher to pencil pusher, his HR boss in the upper echelons of the organization, an old gruff gentleman by the name of Colonel Roberson, hates his guts. Could it be because of Felix's psychotically anal attention to detail? Who knows. It doesn't matter anyways since Felix wants him dead.

And now, dear Felix is going to give me a behavioral interview. For an assassination. Oh geeze.

I have to cover my mouth to hide the smirk while I watch him thumb through his little paper packet. It was heavily highlighted in two colors, with blue inked notes and whited out corrections. What was this originally for? A government position as a secretary? With my little predatory smile I reply, “Riiiiight. Go ahead Felix and ask away.” Watch carefully as I eat him with my brain.

"Tell me about a time you had to deal with an unforeseen crisis and what steps did you take to resolve it?" he reads in a confident tone, adjusting his glasses. Placing the packet down, he leans forward, waiting for my response.

"Hmm…" I look away, tilting my head in seeming deep thought while giving him a little encouragement. They always feel better when they think they've stumped you.

"You read the headline about how executive CEO Ted Liberty, from the Liberty Toy Company fell victim to an enteric flesh eating disease, yes?" I ask, tracing my cup with a shiny blood red nail.

"Yes." Poor Felix. His eyes were as round as saucers and his untouched cappuccino was getting cold.

"Yes," I repeat, looking up to capture his gaze once again. "Eighteen dead shortly after his Super Bowl party, two in intensive care, unresponsive to antibiotics. It's only a matter of time." I watch with amusement as a bead of sweat trickled its way down his forehead and to his eyebrow.

"Did YOU do that? How did you do it?" He asks, entirely forgetting the original question. I motion for him to drink his cappuccino. No cream, with one packet of sugar.

"Well, poor Ted's caterer never made it to the party." I say while casually waving my hand in the air. "…something about how a Buick without a driver collided with the catering truck en route. It was a tragic accident." At this point, Felix already knows that the "accident" had something to do with me. I could have told him the gory details but he was already sheet white as it is. I didn't want him throwing up all over the table either.

"Anyways, here's poor Ted, party just starting without a caterer. What's worse, his old college fraternity brothers and his management team were all invited."

"So what happened?" Felix asks, finally taking a sip of his lukewarm drink.

"He calls for pizza." I say with a disarming smile. "This is where I come in. You see, the original delivery driver couldn't make it. He was uh," my eyes move up his buttoned yellow polo shirt, rest on his pocket protector for a brief moment before meeting his gaze, "detained. I stepped in as a substitute." I hear another gulp from Felix. That cappuccino must've hurt coming down.

"So. Here I am with a stack of ten pizzas at the second quarter of the game, and this guy answers the door. He's completely painted in Pittsburgh Steelers gold and black colors and is holding a cat in a Steelers cheerleading outfit." I couldn't keep the growl out of my voice.

"What's wrong with that?" Felix asks.

"I HATE cats."

"Anyways, before Ted can come to the door to pay me, this….LUNATIC grabs me by the arm and pulls me into the room. Suddenly, everyone starts cheering like raving madmen, and the guy tosses popcorn everywhere and starts crushing beer cans on his belly while break dancing on the couch!" I shake my head, remembering that crazy night. Damn cats.

"…All I wanted was to deliver the pizza and make sure they all ate it." I say with a pout. "Instead, I get dragged into this party with a bunch of wild, raving men wearing golden togas and throwing around costumed kittens."

Felix asks me softly, "So, what did you do?"

"Well, to make a long story short, I needed to make an exit without seeming too conspicuous. So grabbing the nearest bottle of beer, I shook it, uncorked it and sprayed it all over my body and proceeded to get everyone completely drunk while they ate all the food." I say with a grin. "I was wearing a white T-shirt you see."

"You WHAT?"

"Yup. White T-shirt." I say, nodding proudly. "That and the pizza was spiked with a teensy weensy amount of highly potent flesh eating mutant E. coli. Fortunately Ted had lots of booze around, so people don't remember my exit. The crazy painted dude with the cat was asleep on the couch while I made off with his hula skirt."

"What happened next?" Felix asked.

"You know the rest of it," I say, looking down at my now empty cup of mocha. "Ted goes to the hospital with liquidated insides, and the rest of his party follow shortly after. It took a few days to accomplish my mission, but public thinks it was a freak food poisoning accident involving the homemade pork sausages found in his freezer. But," I say with a sigh, watching Felix finish his cappuccino. "…now you know the real story."

"So do you have any more questions for me, or do I get the job?" I ask him with a smile. Although I could do it if pushed, spending my afternoon answering more behavioral questions wasn't what I call very entertaining.

Another gulp from Felix as he nods. "Oh yeah. Of course. OF COURSE! You're hired." he adds, taking out a white envelope and sliding it over to me. Leaning in closely, half to be discrete and half so that he can have a better look at my cleavage, he whispers, "I put the shuriken in there. I'll give you the rest when the job's done. Remember, I want it to look like an accident. No witnesses."

I give him a wink, then surprise him with a warm kiss on his lips. The poor guy will need to sit there for a bit before he can walk straight again. "Purrrfect." I say as I get up. "Call me if you need me…" I added as he continued to gawk, mouth wide open again. Blowing him a kiss, I turn to walk out of the cafĂ©.

Too bad Felix won't live to watch me finish the job. He should've been paying closer attention to the poison I left on his lips.

I'll have to remember that antidote and raspberries don't go together. Next time, I might try almond. Ah well. Another day, another dollar.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Corpse Flies

Flesh flies, otherwise known as sarcophagus flies feed on dead or decaying tissue. They're in incredible asset to forensic entomologists because certain species of Sarcophagidae will lay eggs OR live larvae on the body at a certain stage of decay. In other words, some flies like it warm. Others like it cold, and yet others like it nice and mushy. But based on the life cycle of the fly maggot/pupae, forensic entomologists can determine when the individual died.

See a lot of flies like these buzzing around? Chances are that you're at a farm (they eat manure too), something died (like that mouse in the wall of your basement), or your neighbor is hiding something.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

On Aging and Memory


A friend of mine asked me a question relating to aging and memory loss. I thought that it would make a great blog topic, so I put my response here! ^.^

Aging is caused by two factors, both linked to cell division. Cells divide and grow for three purposes: growth of organism, replacement of dead/dying cells, and fortifying the immune system during an infection. Obviously as adults, we no longer grow, so our cells must divide in order to replace other cells. The process of a cell division is called mitosis.

As we age, we lose our ability for our cells to divide. -Cells have the ability to divide continually for a certain amount of time, then as we age, this ability gets lost. This is the reason why older individuals have a very hard time healing, whereas young kids seem to heal overnight!

Why do we lose the ability to divide? The theory is that each time we divide, our cells have to make a new copy of DNA to go into the next cell, right? Well, each time we make a copy, we lose bits of DNA, called telomeres in the process. These telomeres protect the actual ends of the DNA, and keep it from going crazy and haywire. Because they get shorter each time a cell divides, eventually, they run out. The current theory is that THIS is what causes aging.

Think about a photocopy of a sheet of paper. In the "first generation," the original copy and the photocopy don't look very different. But if I keep photocopying the copies of paper, eventually, I begin to lose resolution, things get blurry and fuzzy, and after a long amount of time, you begin to start losing important bits of information.... signs of aging.

-Incidentally, this is also a problem that we are encountering with the cloning process. It seems that when you make a clone using "old" DNA, the organisms that come from it also seem to be "aged" as well, and can suffer complications.

Now the mechanism behind memory loss is different. In general, our brain cells and nerve cells don't divide. This is why when someone has nerve damage, it's usually permanent. There's a lot of research on nerve tissue regeneration (and a whole lot of discussion on stem cells), but right now, we're not there yet. Anyways, we retain a set number of brain cells that retain our memories. However, like the rest of our body, eventually, the "machinery" runs down, and our cells begin to die. Because we can't replace these cells, our memory starts to go away because we don't have as many brain cells as we did before.

*As a sidenote, when you drink alcohol, you kill brain cells. The theory that you get stupider the more you drink? Yup. 'fraid so.

Although another new theory has come out in regards to memory as well. The idea is that we have not necessarily lost our memory cells per se, but we have become desensitized to the things around us. We lose our awareness of the things such as routines, and therefore, do not commit them to memory like we did when we were younger. Studies have shown that when older individuals go through mental exercises to practice mental awareness, they can actually increase memory retention!

So memory loss is actually caused by two things: dead brain cells, and loss of mental awareness and acuity.

What do we do about it? Go to your nearest biotech company and present them with a big fat check to help stimulate the economy of course!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Characteristics

Subject: Y. Verhoeven
Aliases: Yenny, Yentil, Mouse, Blue, Lady Blue, Blue Kunoichi

Strengths:
1. Able to detect natural gas leaks with just her nose
2. Able to pull something out of her frontal lobe and place it on paper, thus faking her way through 90% of the stressful situations that she is put through on a daily basis.
3. Able to find just about anything on her computer using creative search words
4. Able to cause confusion in any situation within 5 seconds of speaking
5. Makes the best ham on the planet. Hands down.

Weaknesses
1. Shiny things that go *beep beep*
2. Cute puppies
3. Cute baby reptiles (except snakes)
4. Clothes
5. Texting. Does not have the ability nor desire to text message.

Likes
1. Her family
2. Really expensive biotech equipment
3. Good food
4. All things coffee. Strong, dissolve-the-cup type of coffee
5. A warm, comfy soft bed ^.^
6. Lightening fast internet and a laptop that can keep up
7. Open minds and great friends
8. More time

Dislikes
1. Wet bathroom door knobs
2. Cold
3. Escargot
4. People who shirk their own responsibilities
5. Traffic

Strange Habits
1. Eats the chocolate outside a Twix chocolate bar before consuming the caramel then finally the cookie
2. Practices extending her chi when in a crowd to keep people from invading her personal space
3. Jumps up and down on the elevator and does squats, kicks and punches when no one is around.
4. Writes about her blue haired, violet-eyed ninja alter ego on a regular basis
5. Sings at the top of her lungs when driving in the car
6. Must ALWAYS arrange the toilet paper roll so that the flappy part is on the top
7. Must have one cup of coffee every morning, or else she will destroy the universe

Monday, February 2, 2009

Napies at Work


Must find where they sell these stickers! Only... I'd end up falling face down on my keyboard I bet...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Maryland Entomology

My first year in Maryland, I've encountered hummingbird-sized wasps, vampire mosquito hordes, and creatures that have way too many legs and move too fast for my comfort. I won't even go into the size of the spiders.

After a thorough research investigation (like bringing in a dead bug to my co-workers and asking them what the heck the thing is), here are a few insects that I have NEVER seen on the West coast but seem to thrive in the Maryland ecosystem:

1. Scutigera coleoptrata, otherwise known as the house centipede. The first time I saw one of these dashing across my basement at speeds faster than a German cockroach, I practically jumped out of my skin. Their legs are like long hairs, and they have eyes and antennae. I was so creaped out that the only thing left of it was a smudge on the wall and an indentation where I was a tad bit overzealous with my shoe.

Surprisingly, these little guys are actually quite beneficial in the house. They eat insects. What I don't like is that they inject venom through a pair of their legs, and that, although rare, it can penetrate human skin. Bleh.

2. Vespa crabro, or the European hornet, likes to hunt at night. Another insectivore, these large and very loud insects hunt yellow jackets and bees. They also like to fly into your house at night when you leave the porch light on and it takes approximately half a can of Raid and 15 minutes to kill one. It probably takes a little longer if we didn't squish it with a shoe after it falls, buzzing angrily across the wood floor. They have a nasty sting, and I'm making sure I never get to experience it! Next spring when they buzz around again, I may try smacking these 1.5 inchers with a baseball bat, but I have this fear that it'll come chasing after me.

3. Photinus pyralis, or the firefly, has become one of my most favorite insects of all time. Considering that I've never seen one until moving to Maryland, you can only imagine my childlike wonderment at seeing green and yellow glowing lights almost magically zipping around and disappearing in clumps of woods in our front yard. I remember driving home from work, almost crashing into the neighbor's car as I watched their magical dance across my lawn. First thing I did, dressed in a smart business suit and slim boots, mind you, was to jump out of my car and catch one in the garden! OMG! THEY'RE BEETLES!!! Too cool. I have to admit, both my son and I thoroughly enjoyed watching the jar full of fireflies under the covers that night. ^.^

We let them all go in the morning, of course.


Saturday, January 31, 2009

Pet Rocks

My first introduction to the pet rock was in preschool. We sat in a little circle surrounding several pet rocks set out on the floor. Our teacher told us that if we were very quiet and good, the rocks would move.

All of us remained motionless for an extremely long time, maybe even for an entire thirty seconds. Suddenly this little girl across from me yells, "Hey! I saw that one move!" Soon, the whole class is in an uproar over seeing the moving rocks. Being the little naive kid that I was, I didn't see a single one move. I squinted. I stood still. I stared. Yet despite my best efforts, the rocks didn't move for me. Naturally, not wanting to be left out, I succumbed to peer pressure and chimed in, exclaiming very proudly about the rock right in front of me moving. Deep inside though, I was hurt that the rocks did not love me.

To this day, I still have dreams about being in that darkened room with the other kids. Only in my dreams, the rocks dance around the room and talk. >.>

Pet rocks come with very simple care and maintenance instructions. No need to feed them, and they are born already potty trained. Commands such as "sit" and "stay" are almost instinctive, and with very little effort, you can even train them to attack.

I keep mine next to my vase-shaped bonsai kitty. Although they aren't the same species, at least little Puss 'n Vase doesn't get too lonely when I'm at work.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Rumor Bustin'


Two nasty biological rumors that I want to clarify and set aside for the general benefit of mankind:

1. Being cold will make you catch a cold.

My mother still believes this. However, you can't catch a cold unless you have a virus first! No virus = no cold. Why is it that we get more colds in the winter? For one, school is in session, and unfortunately, classrooms are a virtual cesspool for spreading diseases. Also, people tend to stay indoors where the likely hood of contact with an infectious person increases.

Bottom line: You have a higher chance of catching a cold by licking a doorknob than being outside in zero degree weather with just your skivvies on.

2. Cloning is bad because Hitler will be reborn and take over the world.

Psht! First of all, clones are genetically identical. That's it. Identical twins are clones. The cells in your body are clones. Did you know that your eye cell, your bone cell, and your nerve cells are clones? They have (hopefully) the same genetic makeup, do they not? But do they look alike? Nope!

Just because an individual has the same genetic makeup as another individual doesn't mean they will be or act the same. Hitler's clone could grow to be the world's greatest figure skater for all we know!

Also, this rumor that we mad, evil scientists are making clones of each other in the lab so that we can rip out their organs for medical research? ...not happening. Here's why:

a. Remember Dolly the cloned sheep? It took 227 surrogate ewes (female sheep) in order to produce one successful Dolly. Last I checked, we don't have that many human women willing to do something like that.

b. By the time the clone reaches an age where its organs would be "ripe" for harvesting, you will either be dead already, or too old to care.

c. Your clone, being a complete, sentient individual with human rights like you, will probably protest.

d. It's illegal.

Incidentally, we eat cloned cattle all the time. Plants...MOST plants that we eat are now produced from clones (been doing it since forever). In fact, most bananas are genetically identical!

Can you clone your cat? Well, yes. In 2001, CC (stands for Copy Cat) was the first cloned cat produced by Genetic Savings and Clone. Unfortunately, the company went belly up in 2006. Is it possible that we'll have another pet cloning service in the future?
ABSOLUTELY!

Maybe after the recession picks up though... >.>

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

One more pet peeve.... Revenge of the Office Ninja!


Don't you hate it when people go through your paperclips and daisy chain them together? *growls*

It adds to job-related stress, and ninja flip outs.

Hint: Always have a stapler and staple remover handy in case of ninja attacks. Ninjas like shiny objects and will be distracted as you attempt to extend your life for several more seconds...

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Varying Degrees of Irritation


I wrote this blog sitting in the middle of an airport waiting for my connecting flight…and started cracking myself up. I’m just kind of goofy that way. As an exercise in creativity, I added varying degrees of irritation that could make a situation worse (some of these things have happened to me, and some have not). This list is not in any means listed in order of preference.
Unfortunately, I haven't quite mastered the html for outlining yet, so please bear with me on the formatting. Enjoy!


1. Toilet paper that breaks up into thumb-sized bits when you try to unroll it
a. Having NO toilet paper – when you really need it…and there’s nothing else within easy reach to wipe with.

2. Wet doorknobs.
a. Wet doorknobs in a public place.
i. …like a bathroom with no toilet paper, seat protectors or paper towels

3. You feel a tickle like something is on your leg. When you reach down to scratch and it crunches and squishes.
a. …and has a lot of little legs.
i. …at least EIGHT of them.
1. …and it bites.

4. People who stare at you. Dammit. I don’t exist! STOP STARING!
a. People who stare at you, then say things like “hey baby,” or, “wuzzup” or “can I take you home?”
i. People who stare at you, try to give you a pickup line, and are old shriveled white men.
1. People who think that just because you’re a small Asian woman, it’s okay to stare, give you a pick up line, and think you’re a little nympho who likes to get it on with old white men.
b. Men who seem to have so much difficulty reading the one or two words that are written across your T-shirt. Hint: Try sounding it out.

5. People who don't understand personal space. –Being from California, I've discovered that my personal space radius is about two inches longer than the average East Coaster.
a. …a person who's personal space is right where you’re standing, and they constantly remind you of this by either hitting you with their bags, bellies, boobs or other body parts. *shudders*
b. …and have bad breath
i. …and body odor
1. … who try to cover their body odor by slathering on copious amounts of perfume or musk, creating toxic vapors able to peel the paint off the walls.
a. …who smoke
i. …and have just gotten out of the rain.

6. Getting carded for taking a cheese sample in a grocery store. ("Excuse me, but are you 18?" *stern look from Mrs. Sample lady with the wrinkly mouth shaped like a dog anus*)
a. Getting carded…for taking a Tylenol sample.
i. …at Wallmart

7. Children from the booth next to you who turn and either make faces, talk to you, or play with your hair while you’re eating and trying to have a conversation at a restaurant.
a. Children who peak under the toilet stalls while you’re taking a pee

8. Drivers who drive below the speed limit, or who can’t see
a. All the above, and are trying to read a map because they’re lost
i. …and talking on the cell phone to get directions.
1. ...then suddenly slam their breaks stop in the middle of the road because they missed their intersection.

9. Cats who sleep on your face, or rub up against you…constantly… like you’re a walking piece of catnip (I’m allergic)…
a. …that drool and chew on your hair.
i. …then pukes or "scents" your belongings with cat pee.

10. Doggie poo in the most unexpected and random places

11. Waking up and finding that your pet python has escaped its cage and is now curled up next to you for warmth.

12. The ferret that chews a hole in your dresser drawer and is now nesting in your underwear.

13. People on the airplane who get sick and vomit in front of you. No matter HOW much Dramamine I’m on… it just does it to me every time.
a. People with EXPLOSIVE vomit on the plane that sit next to you.
i. The smell that lingers
1. …in your hair

14. Dogs that are twice as large as I am who jump up and squish me.
a. Ankle biters
i. Crotch sniffers. Wrong time, wrong place, and wrong species.

15. Baggers in the grocery store who have to look at what you’re buying and comment on it. Just because I’m buying cucumbers, carrots, bananas, and other assorted produce that’s over 4 inches long doesn’t necessarily mean I’m making vegetable soup and fruit salad.
a. Guys that hit you (literally) with their shopping cart thinking that it’s a great pickup line and that you’ll be instantly attracted to them due to their affinity for creating road kill.
i. …they start talking about your vegetables

16. People who stare at your mouth constantly when you talk to them, yet don’t have the decency to tell you that there’s some bit of food stuck in your teeth.

17. Stores that put the smallest-sized clothes on the top shelf, right out of reach from your outstretched fingers

18. The Styrofoam container that constantly squeaks when you drive because it’s rubbing up against something, and it’s in the back seat where you can’t reach it.

19. Peeing in the woods…looking up…and seeing that people on the trail behind you are watching as you pee in the woods.
a. Having poison oak brush against you as you pee in the woods

20. When you sit at a traffic light and the person in the car next to you is picking their nose
a. When the kid in the car next to you picks their nose…and eats the booger.

21. Gorillas who throw their poo at you.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Tet - Celebration of the Vietnamese New Year


It must be an east coast thing, but everyone I run into calls it "Chinese" New Year here. HeellLLOOo! The Chinese aren't the only ones that celebrate! The more "PC" term would be "Asian New Year," since most East Asian cultures celebrate.

In Vietnam, we call it Tet, and this is the year of the Water Buffalo. There's a custom in Vietnam, which says that what you do today sets the tone for the rest of the year. So. With that said, I've used my stress ball, practiced my breathing techniques, and been a very, very good girl! ^.^ No tylenol or medications, plus only ONE cup of coffee. See? Way better than those resolutions, right?

Err... I'd go into details about water buffalo years, but I don't believe in horoscopes. Ironic since I personally am a classic tiger, and my grandfather made astrological charts on his grandchildren (which were eerily true...). ^.^

Chug Mung Nam Moi Everybody!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

One of those days...

Instead of rocks, I've hit asphalt!

I guess that's the problem with getting too comfortable in your field. When it comes to breaking into new territory, you sometimes forget how hard it was to dig the first time.

Picture is from the I Has a Hotdog site.

Friday, January 23, 2009

My Diet Coke and Mentos Habit

Science: Taking ordinary things and making them extremely volatile and dangerous. You gotta love it! ^.^



Enjoy!

(You should see what we can do with a bottle of draino!)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Indomitable Spirit - Chipping Away at Rocks

I had the pleasure of working for one tough, VERY tough lady. She came from the philosophy that you must break your employees down, then rebuild them into the people you want them to be. On my last day working for her, she said that she had finally gotten the "mediocrity" out of me. Wow. ^.^ I'm not mediocre!!!

She also gave me advice about rocks. There are times, she said, when you dig into the ground, and the soil is really loose and easy to work with. Then your shovel will hit a rock. If it's a small rock, you can dig it out. If it's a large rock you can find ways to dig around it. But sometimes, you're going to hit one freaking fat boulder that won't budge, and instead of going around, you MUST go through.

Failure is not an option.

So. What do you do?
She told me that the difference between successful people and mediocre people is that you never let the boulders impede your progress. Although the boulder is in your way, find other things you can do to press forward. Push other rocks... dig in a different direction.

Every day, test the boulder. It still may not budge, but chip at it. Move it. Smack it at a different angle. Maybe today it won't move. That's okay. Push the other rocks in your path while you find a solution to move your boulder. One day, it's going to move. One day, as you push the other rocks, you'll find that stick of dynamite to blow that sucker way the heck outa Dodge!!! As long as you work on the boulder a little bit at a time, eventually it'll happen.

Until that day happens, you will have still moved a ton of dirt and rocks while you wait. THAT'S progress. ^.^

-One other thing I wanted to point out. Remember that point about the difference between successful people and mediocre people? If there's a difference, than success has nothing to do with luck. It means you have to find out what that difference is...and NOT be mediocre.

Indomitable spirit. Ala bedrock.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Collectable Bonsai Kitties


From the ancient Asian* fusion of Chinese foot binding and Japanese Bonsai comes the Bonsai Kitten!.**

(Note: No kittens were harmed in the writing of this description)

The concept:
1. Inject kitten with muscle relaxants then shove into a glass container using a shoe horn. Container has been pre-drilled with air holes, feeding hole and "excretion" hole.

2. Place feeding tube in kitten's mouth and feed with a nutrient slurry containing decalcification agents to allow its bones to re-ossify into the shape of the container.

3. Seal kitten anus with superglue and insert a waste tube into the waste hole. The kitten will then develop a "natural rectal diverticulum" around the tube as it grows. Attach other end of tube to a colostomy bag.

4. Once kitten has grown to maturity, break container. Voila! Vase-shaped kitten!

You can also have a cylinder, rectangle, conic cylinder, or even...dog shaped kitties!

Personally? I opt for a square-shaped chinchilla. They're much softer, and their teeny little paws are just sooo cyuuute!




*I shudder when someone uses the term "Oriental" unless it refers to a rug - another blog at another time
**Please tell me you're not buying this. Please? Otherwise can I refer you to the aluminum foil deflector beenie blog, too?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Democracy Among the Microbes

In light of today's historical events, I decided to NOT talk about our new president. I figure there's a lot of other bloggers out there that can do a way better job of it than I can! So instead, I shall talk about democracy of a different kind: quorum sensing.

In a nutshell, quorum sensing is how certain bacterial communities determine when to do something once they reach a particular population density. What they "do" depends on bacterial species and where that particular species is growing.

For example, see that picture of glowing green bacteria? These bacteria, found in squid eyes, are called Vibrio fischeri. At populations of less than 10^11, (that's a 1 with 11 zeros behind it), they don't glow. However, when they reach populations of over 100,000,000,000 cells, we get glow!!!

Bacteria also use quorum sensing to secret toxins that stop the growth of other bacteria. -Or to orchestrate an effort to suddenly overthrow a host's immune system and give it a bad case of pneumonia! Muhuhahahaaa!

In any case, quorum sensing allows bacteria to not only sense how many other bacterial cells are out there, but it also directs a large population of bacteria into doing something that, in small numbers, would be impossible to do.

How is it done? Err... that would be a topic for another day.

Quorum sensing - committees that actually work!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Mr. Peanut Gets Revenge



I threw away the peanut butter sandwich crackers in my cupboard today. Until the FDA clears it, peanut butter or peanut buttery type products are not safe to eat. This includes cookies, crackers, candy and ice cream. Why? Salmonella typhimerium contamination. In other words, Salmonella!

I've been following this outbreak for the past few weeks now. According to the article from the Centers for Disease Control (located in Maryland, btw), the outbreaks originated from peanut butter produced by the Peanut Corporation of America processing plant in Blakely, GA.

My question? You get Salmonella by eating foods contaminated with animal poop. HOW DID IT GET INTO THE PEANUT BUTTER?! o.O

In case you get hit by the Salmonella bug, or any other diarrheal bug for that matter, here's what you need to do:

1. Let it run baby, let it run!
Diarrhea and vomiting are GREAT ways for your body to get rid of the bugs that caused the problem. By taking medicines to stop the diarrhea, you are really prolonging the agony, so to speak.

2. Drink LOTS and LOTS of water, or preferrably, gatoraid, sodas or drinks with electrolytes.
Without getting into too much gory detail (although I could), your intestines are not absorbing the water that your body needs when you have diarrhea. It puts you at risk for severe dehydration and electrolytic imbalance. To make sure that you are getting enough liquids, keep drinking. What's more, keep drinking stuff that has sugar and salt. PEDIALYTE! AVOID milk and diet drinks. You don't need to worry about calorie counting right now!

3. KISS - Keep it simple, silly! Meaning, stick to a very simple, low fat, low milk diet.
I like the BRAT diet because it's easy to remember: Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast. -No reason you can't also throw in a bowl of low fat chicken soup, or Vietnamese pho, mind you...

4. Practice anti-socialism.
Wash your hands and stay home from work or school until you are no longer an infectious walking bag of germs. PLEASE.

Take it easy for a few days. If it's Salmonellosis, down time is about 5-7 days.

See a doctor if you don't improve in a few days, have a high fever, severe dehydration (can't drink or eat, faint...), cramping, bloody diarrhea or other underlying medical conditions.

Lastly, no peanut butter cookies for a while, okay?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

March of the Caprellidae


Caprellidae shrimp are native residents in the Bodega Bay mud flats. They cling to the flat eel grass blades with four tiny segmented legs while the other two wave, praying mantis like, into the water to catch small particles of food. Their cute little heads have two long, extended antennae that bob around when they move or when you touch them.

I spent three months on the mud flats studying these little critters, only to find that I can't seem to remember what my conclusions were on them.

One thing's for certain. They are not very tasty.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

True Love...

...is a Keurig coffee maker bought by your loving samurai.


Gimme shiny, electronic gadgetry and mix it with a potent cup of tasty, caffeinated coffee, and I'm yours forever.

What can I say? I'm totally worth it. ^.^

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Pointless Conveniences of a Modern Society

The Chia Pet. New! With Barack Obama!
-Has anyone really successfully gotten one of these to grow?

Decaffeinated coffee. Did you know that the chemicals found in decaff in order to de-caff the coffee can be more toxic than the caffeine? Besides which, we all know that caffeine is the best substance in the world, so why deny yourself?

Cigarette filters are made primarily from cellulose acetate, a mostly NON-biodegradable substance that pollutes the environment even after puffing the carcinogen-causing smoke into the air. According to the Wiki, Kent brand cigarettes made filters from asbestos!

A filter on a cigarette is like using a condom with holes. It's not really going to help you.

...which brings me to:

The contraceptive sponge! According to the packaging, the contraceptive sponge is supposed to be a spermacidal barrier, but does NOT protect from STDs. Again, I just can't trust anything with holes in it. Somehow the words barrier and sponge should not belong together.

Crotchless underwear. I don't feel the need to elaborate on this one.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Erudite Lobotomy


Words slice through the right hemisphere of the brain
Exposing bits of pulsating nervous tissue
Blood
And the necrotizing tumor of the soul.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Nude Mice and Naked Chickens


There's a difference between a genetically modified organism (GMO) and a selectively bred animal. Selective breeding involves grabbing a boy animal and a girl animal, a comfy nest or bedding material, low lights and lots of Barry White. -This is the "traditional" method.

GMO organisms involve the manipulation of specific genes in a lab (under ultra sterile conditions), lots of petri dishes, and the ambiance akin to a dentist's office with a running drill. In both cases, the organisms come out with (hopefully) traits that we want.

Take the featherless chicken, which was created purely from selective breeding. This "greener" chicken produces no feathers to clog up landfills and pollute the environment like a typical chicken would. There's a lot of opposition towards its existence even though, in the traditional sense, these chickens are no more Frankensteinish than your pure bred German Shepherd. It's hideous looking, as you can see, and more susceptible to sunburns, parasites and other things.

Another selectively bred animal is the nude mouse. Bred since 1937 (before GMO technology), this mouse has no immune system. Because of that, nude mice have helped studies such as leukemia, cancer, organ transplantation and many, many others. From the picture, you can probably surmise why the nude mouse got it's name.

Seriously though....

...aren't all mice nude?

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We interrupt this blog...

To bring you a special announcement:

Saving students from the evil clutches of scientific ignorance is hard work!

Brain feels like it's been stuffed with cream, deep fried and served with a side of chocolate syrup and grits. I'll try using it again tomorrow. Promise!

In the meantime, please enjoy more pictures from the Far Out World bloggy. It's about all I can comprehend right now.

Monday, January 12, 2009

What I Want


Recently one of my favorite bloggers, Evil J Winter, discussed some of his wants for the coming year.

Erg... forgive me Evil J, but I'm still a tad bit fuzzy about the difference between goals and wants. HOWEVER, you've got me pondering about it all day. Starting in high school, I've compiled a bucket list of things I will do before I "kick the bucket." (I've never seen the movie, but it's on my "to do" list.*)

Never compiled a "want" list until now. But being the slightly anal retentive, obsessive compulsive person that I am, I wanted to make one too! Perhaps this is more of a wishful thinking, snowball's chance in Hell type of list, but if anything, reading it amuses me. Obviously, there's varying degrees of attainability on this...but a girl can dream, can't she?

1. To be in a music video with hellogoodbye.
I wanna be the cute little Asian geek in the pigtails and school girl outfit.

2. To be a co-star in the show Mythbusters, or to have my own show like Bill Nye.
-No offense Kari Byron, but I've got more science smexy in my little pinky than you do in your entire body. Oh, and I have the best kung fu.

3. To stick my head in a tiger's mouth and survive with no injuries.
They're so pretty, furry, cuddly and stripey!

Okay, now for the stuff I think I can get if I play my cards right and work hard at it:

1. To publish my own comic series on Lady Blue. Those of you that know me well, you understand that this will only be a matter of time. ^.^

2. To publish a Biology textbook. Again, to those of you that know me well professionally, this too, will only be a matter of time.

3. Get my black belt. I've already worked to green, but my job gets in the way. I think that according to Evil J, this would be (like the other two) more of a goal than a want, but there's factors in here that are beyond my control.

I also want to bring my skill level to a point where I can do a series of board and brick breaks to impress my boss's boss. He challenged me to a board breaking contest once, and I declined. After all, I was wearing heels and hadn't warmed up. One day though....I want to see how many he can break!


Hmm... and that's about it. It's a fairly short list because I'm the type of person that usually gets what I want.

That, and I'm very happy with what I already have. ^.^



*I've got a bucket list, to do list, grocery list, want list, need list, wish list, supply list, equipment list, goals list, resolution list (which, if you've read my previous bloggies know that it's not written and entirely in my head), listserv, addy list, friend list, contact list, and Listerine, which I keep in my desk drawer and use religiously first thing when I get into work.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Sanitize That Please!

It's all happened at some point in our lives: Office co-worker sneezes, then goes to grab a bagel from the office lounge. Their sputum-sprayed hand grabs the handle of the butter knife in order to spread cream cheese over their pastry before returning the now germ-laden utensil back into the container.

Or worse yet... office co-worker leaves the rest room without washing their hands, and then cuts the cake at the office party.

*shudders*

Unwashed hands are responsible for causing the spread of diseases such as colds, flu, pneumonia and diarrhea. Disgusting.

I know it's the super paranoid bionerd in me talking here, but let me explain:

1 in 4 cases of diarrhea are caused by germs spread through unwashed hands. The pathogens (disease-causing organisms) that cause diarrhea are found in your poop. Yes, your poop. This is what we biologists describe as the "fecal oral route." ...get my meaning? Without being too explicit, think about just HOW would someone manage to EAT these pathogens, hmm?

Salmonella, camphylobacter and enterohaemmorhagic E. coli (the E. coli outbreaks we hear in the news) are all caused by enteric bacteria. Enteric, meaning bacteria in the gut and in the poop.

Why does it make us so sick? Well, salmonella and camphylobacter (we biologists affectionately call it "campy") are naturally occurring bacterium in chicken poop, but not in ours. Both are spread by uncooked or poorly prepared poultry or eggs. Whenever we get an introduction of bacteria (think about HOW it's introduced - there's really only one way) that doesn't belong, it makes us sick.

The E. coli outbreaks we hear about are bacteria that generally come from cow poop. So yes, you are definitely thinking what I'm thinking. We eat fecally contaminated foods every day. That's why proper preparation and cooking are important!

Influenza virus (the bugs that cause flu) are spread by water droplets when someone sneezes, coughs, spits, etc. They can remain virulent (active) for over 48 hours on surfaces like a doornob, a keyboard, a serving spoon in a buffet, a wadded up kleenex, a supermarket cart handle, etc...

So what can we do about it?

1. To prevent the spread of disease, WASH YOUR HANDS! The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) recommends vigorously rubbing your hands under hot soapy water for 20 seconds. -I usually sing the theme song for Dora the Explorer, We Love DNA, or Happy Birthday. Any of these choices will last 20 seconds. Next, completely dry your hands. If there's no paper towels available and no blower, I get creative and opt for seat protectors or toilet paper.

Wash your hands more often if you or people around you are sick. Also avoid touching your face. This helps the spread of zits, too!

2. Don't touch ANY surface when you're in the bathroom. A public bathroom is a disease infested cesspool. I practice the "hover" technique over the toilet. (Girls, you probably understand this more than the guys. -This can develop your thigh muscles too!) My post excretion routine involves flushing with my foot, covering my hand with toilet paper to lock and unlock the stall door, and using my elbows or paper towels for sink handles, towel dispensers, and door knob.

3. If you're sick, refrain from shaking hands. When I'm ill, I fold my arms and do a modified bow, apologetically telling whomever it is that I can't shake their hand because I don't want to get them sick. Trust me, people appreciate the gesture more than giving them a cold!

4. Sneeze or cover your mouth with your upper arm or shoulder, NEVER into your hand. Think about it for a minute. It makes sense!

5. When preparing food, use separate boards/utensils for raw meats vs. cooked foods or veggies. Call me extremely paranoid, but I have a bottle of 10% bleach that I use to spray down boards, countertops and the outsides of melons. If you read the story link, you'll understand why.

6. For you smokers out there - I have a TON of advice for you, but for this bloggy, I'll stick to: If you prepare raw meats, refrain from smoking. ...remember that fecal-oral route I described earlier?

7. Lastly, when you're in a restaurant or food court bathroom, watch the restaurant workers closely. If they do not wash their hands when they leave the bathroom, RUN AWAY AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!

Unfortunately, you can't do the same to your co-workers, but plastering the bathroom with Hand Washing Signs DOES help! I also like adding this little ditty:

If you tinkle
When you sprinkle
Be a sweetie
And wipe the seatie!

Happy Handwashing!

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Lovely Jane

(Please enjoy one of my short story attempts. I was inspired by a song called "Lovely Jane" by Dag. If you click on the music player below, you can hear the song. Please enjoy!)

Copyright by Yen Verhoeven 2007

Lovely Jane

Jane added her last bit of makeup in front of the mirror. She puckered her lips once, adjusted the black cross choker around her slender neck and winked at her image with a long lashed eye. The black lipstick was a pleasing contrast to her pale, milk white skin. A final tug of the laced-up corset on her hourglass figure, and she was ready for the night. She walked by her dozing boyfriend, blowing a kiss to his prone muscular form…his limbs tangled with the sheets, before closing the door with a click.

The cab dropped her off in front of the night club. She gave Leo a generous tip and a kiss on the cheek before stepping out onto the street. The sight of her trim body, ghost white save for the black makeup, freckles and shock of red hair seemed to attract everyone’s attention as she marched right up to the club’s bouncer. He let her pass with not so much as a cursory glance.

Snow was dancing among some rather large men. Her long, raven black hair almost touched the floor as her lithe figure moved with the music. She smiled radiantly when she saw Jane approach, forgetting the men; opting to give Jane a hug and a passionate welcoming kiss.

“I was wondering when you would show up!” Snow’s face lit up, momentarily overshadowing the dark, sunken circles around her eyes.

Jane returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around Snow’s waist. “What, and miss a party with you?”

They danced for a bit, their slender limbs entwined and swaying to the music. Jane leaned over and whispered something in Snow’s ear, and they left for the night, hand in hand.

Snow’s apartment was dark, with a single yellow light bulb illuminating the small studio. On the nightstand was a picture of Snow, and her current boyfriend Jeremy; a rather greasy looking fellow, with tattoos that snaked all over his arms as he held the small girl tightly around her waist. Jane sat down on the bed and took a cigarette out of her cleavage, offering Snow one as well.

“I don’t smoke” Snow said, waving away the cigarette. She seemed to shrink in her apartment, wringing her hands nervously as she sat next to Jane. The girls had known each other for a few months now. In fact, the only reason Jane was even allowed near Snow was because Jeremy, the owner of the club, had fantasies about both women in bed.

And now, as Jane blew a gentle breath of smoke into Snow’s face, his fantasies may come true. Involuntarily, Snow took in a breath, inhaling the white cloud, and seemed to visibly relax. She breathed in more, and her eyes became slightly unfocused.

“Jane,” she whispered, “you always make me feel better when you are here.” Snow leaned her head on Jane’s shoulders and cried. “I need to tell you something. I HAVE to tell you. It’s about Jeremy…” She hugged Jane tightly and inhaled more of the smoke; the unusually sweet scent seemed to mix well with the fragrance from Jane’s hair. Snow’s small frame shuddered, as if cold.

“Let’s take a bath.” Jane stood up and made her way into the tiny bathroom, leading Snow by the hand. They drew the hot water, and both girls sat in the tub. Jane took another long drag of her cigarette, blowing it into the air before speaking. “Snow, you can tell me everything. You can trust me, you know.” She kissed Snow on the forehead, and held her hands under the warm water as she listened.

Snow broke down and told her everything…all of Jeremy’s secrets and his illegal doings. She poured her heart out to Jane, and didn’t even notice when the slits were made. Jane continued to listen, and smoke. The fumes seemed to cloud Snow’s mind into a haze. Jane watched and listened as Snow’s blood clouded the water. Snow’s words began to slur as she got dizzy from blood loss. Towards the end, Jane held Snow close to her breast, kissing her on the forehead as she died. Later, she rested Snow’s body peacefully against the wall of the tub, careful to not get any blood on the floor as she crept out, cleaning herself with the special cloths she brought in her purse. After flushing the evidence down the toilet, Jane dressed and left the apartment discretely.

The evening air felt wonderfully refreshing when it hit her skin. Jane took in a deep breath, clearing her head before crossing the street, removing the phone from her purse. Before she could dial in the number, she felt a sharp pain at the base of her neck and raised a hand, as if to slap away a mosquito; surprised to find a tiny dart jutting out from her skin. Her body froze in paralysis as the neurotoxin took over. From the corner of her eye, in the direction of the dart, she saw…..or so it seemed, a person, dressed completely in black, crouched on the sill just outside Snow’s room. She watched in horror as they knelt down and unfastened the tiny microphone that had been taped to Snow’s window. Just before Blue tucked the device into her sash, Jane was struck and killed instantly by a car as it drove down the street. Her dead eyes witnessed the ninja disappear into the silent night.

(Image from Acidic Glamour)


Lovely Jane - Dag

Friday, January 9, 2009

Ah SHOE!

My shoe is the obnoxiously bright orange neon Converse that stops traffic in a heartbeat. Worn with jeans, shorts, workout pants, khaki skirts or boy shorts and a baby tee, my Chucks are my most favorite wardrobe accessory.

Unfortunately, because I have to uphold a very professional image at work, these little puppies come out to play only on warm weekends and occasional evenings. Maryland winters here are so cold that I have to opt for snuggly boots instead. -I gets cold, cold toesies!

Wearing my Chucks means wearing my personality on my feet. The shoe style says "casual," but the orange screams "SPUNKY! SMEXAAAY!"

A brief scan on the internet dredged up some interesting articles on shoe personality. As Francesca Soroka pointed out, women wearing nine-inch stilettos convey a very different image about themselves compared to someone wearing Birkenstocks. Miss Meghan has built an entire career on shoe style! Way to go!

In case you are curious yourself, go here to find out about your Shoe-Style personality!

On the job, I'm infamous for my over-the-calf, sleek leather boots and pencil skirts. Why? Because when I wear the lab jacket, I'm covered from neck to toe just in case I spill concentrated hydrochloric acid on myself. Being OSHA compliant doesn't mean I have to give up being cute!

Still miss my Converse though....

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Oh Sweet, Sweet Achilles Heel.....

Today I'm going to talk about a subject near and dear to my heart: DESSERT*!

I take food very personally and passionately. Dessert especially. Here's my top five favs:

5. California Pizza Kitchen's tiramisu. See this? With the vanilla sauce? THAT is what makes it one of the best tiramisus ever! Olive Garden has the runner up. Ask them to serve this with vanilla sauce, and it's almost like CPK's.

4. Buca di Beppo's tiramisu is the best in the world! The stuff burns because they put real Kahlua in it. It also comes in a HUGE bowl (they're made for a group of 4-6). I was at a conference in Pennsylvania one time, and took down one of these sweet babies almost entirely by myself. Unfortunately I had to stop talking because I could feel the buzz. When I get buzzed, my brain filter shuts off. :P (I'm a lightweight, I know! More bang for your buck I guess...)

3. Carolina Kitchen's red velvet cake is so good that when you take a bite, the sun shines and the angels sing. I've never had red velvet cake until moving to the east coast. What I can tell you is that I've never HAD red velvet cake until coming to Carolina Kitchen. There's something about the combination of rich sweetness and gobs of cream cheese frosting that just make you feel happy. YOW! Compared to Carolina Kitchen, everything else is just... tough oily slabs of red-dyed carbohydrate dressed in sickeningly sweet trans fatty death.

2. Passion fruit mousse cake from Ciocolat is made with alternating layers of airy, almost-there tropical mousse and sweet white cake with a smooth, creamy frosting that underscores the passion fruit flavor. You'll take a bite and want to slap someone. My GOODNESS! They also have sinfully sugary cookies, and their fruit tarts are second to none. *sighs* I miss the West Coast!

1. Imagine syrup-soaked buttery layers of moist cake coated in fluffy, barely sweet whipped cream and covered with an almondy layer of marzipan "frosting." The princess cake at Gayle's Bakery is so freakingtastically good that you have to have a moment of silence before your taste buds can fully appreciate this delicately sweet, sinfully moist, satisfyingly fattening piece of heaven. If I say more about this dessert I'd have to put an 18 and up rating on my blog. Let's just say that even thinking about this tasty cake causes my mind to stray towards the more erotically pleasurable things in life. It's THAT good. It's dayuMn good with a capital MMMmmmnnn...


Honorable mentions:

El Torito's chocolate volcano cake.

Sweet Inspiration in San Francisco, CA has the best hunking slab of strawberry shortcake on the planet. They also have a great poppyseed cake too!

The Elephant Bar's mudpie has no equal. The only reason why I don't have this listed in my top five is because I'm lactose intolerant, and this would put me over the edge without my Lactaid pills. (See my bloggy on farting and you would understand.) Unfortunately, I have ordered this mudpie despite the consequences of not having my Lactaid pills, knowing full well the repercussions. But dammit, this pie is so good!


Ruth Chris's caramelized banana cream pie is also a winner! The sugar crystals add a nice crunch which contrasts with the banana slices and pudding-like cream.





Lastly, I must mourn the loss of Fuzio's black-and-white affogato. If it weren't for the fact that they took this dessert off the menu, it would've been my number one. Scoops of chocolate and vanilla gelato topped with real whipped cream and drowned in pure expresso. *sighs* When they discontinued this dessert, a piece of me died. I will never forget you affogato. You and I had good times. Good times.


* See, I even remembered to spell "dessert" with two s's because they stand for "Strawberry Shortcake" ^.^

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Green Ham?! Triumph of the GloPig!

Another biotech miracle, or freak of nature:GloPigs!

Well, actually they aren't called that. BUT, these little piggies DO glow green when hit with a blacklight. In fact, when these green porkers first came out in 2006, it was a HUGE deal in the scientific community too! Here's why:

A glopig is actually a transgenic animal. -An animal that has had its genes altered. In other words, Taiwanese scientists placed a jellyfish gene into their pigs' DNA to make it glow. Now, before you guys freak out on me, do understand that we've been messing with genes for YEARS! DECADES! CENTURIES! I mean, do you think that something like this sharpei is normal?!

Before the advent of gene splicing, humans have been altering genes through a process called artificial selection. This is how we've made such foods like corn and tomatoes, and animals like cows, chickens and chihuahuas. Cows and chickens were "domesticated," meaning that before gene technology, we picked the dumbest, meatiest, tastiest animals we could find to breed. Corn is an actual genetic derivative of maize, a naturally occurring plant similar to wheat...a weed!

Current biotech, and transgenic organisms are just a better, more efficient, sexier way of swapping genes than artificial selection. We still get what we want without the nasty side effects (think about that little doggie up there). Besides, it'd be damned near impossible to breed a pig with a jellyfish... Even Barry White can't help us with that one!

Anyhoo, going back to glopigs... The idea of putting a glowing gene into an animal's DNA has been around for quite a while to study and understand gene expression. Thinking back to basic bio, remember that not all of our genes are turned on at the same time. By putting a glowing gene into specific places in our DNA, you can figure out what genes are turned "on" (when it glows) and what's turned "off."

Case in point, look at these mice. The jellyfish gene, which codes for the Green Fluorescent Protein, or GFP, only glows in their ears, tail and feet. What this means is that the particular gene that these scientists are studying is ONLY turned on in these areas.

By knowing where genes are expressed, and HOW they get expressed, we can find better ways to control certain genetic defects or disorders. Conversely, if we can find genes that are expressed everywhere and every time, we may be able to find gene therapies for the entire animal. Remember "gene therapy?" It was a huge thing in the 80's and 90's.

Dr. Wu Shinn-Chih's glopigs are a hit because he was the first one to express GFP in the entire organism! The FIRST!!! The ENTIRE organism! Meaning, green skin, green eyes, green liver, green tongue, green BACON. Green everything! Now THAT is pretty damn cool.

Once we get chickens involved, we've got Dr. Suess's book allllll taken care of!

Green Eggs and Ham anyone?

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Say NO to Mind Control!

...with the Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie!



HA! Take THAT, super skinny aliens with crystalline skulls and freakishly long limbs!

Your mind control plans to take over my body and rule the world have been foiled again!

MUHUHAHAHA!!!!